Pain, makes me feel alive. Pain makes me feel like dying too.
Muscle aches, pain in the nerve and bones. Felt like dying as well as alive. Such contradictions.
Danced non-stop from 2030 to 0130 today. Five hours. May not seem a lot to some but the extent was great. So much that I was so overwhelmed. Never felt like this before. Never felt so sore before. Then I asked myself. What did I achieve today? Aches and sore. Obviously I cleaned up more on my moves but at the same time, I hit my limit. My limit for now. Things will just get more tiring this period and I know very well how much more it will get. A pity that we won't be playing with lights but also, I felt more at ease. This means that I won't have to put in anymore extra time yay. But I thought I could play with the lights one last time. Oh well, He has a plan for everything. I need some rest.
Rest, to ease the pain. Not only phsically, but also mentally. Pain in my head. I know very well what I should do but nope I'm not doing them. I'm in fact taking too much rest at times. But then again, I need more rest. What I need to cut down on is the leisure. Leisure brought by my laptop, leisure brought by the web. I need to get away from them.. Perhaps I should just stay out from tomorrow onwards. Just to focus on my studies, and come back at midnight.
Time, we are forever in a never-ending race.
Showing posts with label LifeTalks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LifeTalks. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Monday, October 06, 2014
Too Quick To Judge
Time really past like crazy when you are busy with stuffs, either with work or non-work related things. It's been more than a month since I last blogged and it isn't really a good sign. It means that I was busy for the wrong thing. Wait, am I too quick to judge myself?
I figured that if I don't pen down my thoughts now, it'll be gone forever. I really love how I communicate with my innerself through blogging. So here it goes.
People judge. They all do.
When I say that I don't judge, it doesn't mean that I really don't judge. It just meant that I don't intend to give an immediate conclusion to things I see and observe. I do have a first impression, but I welcome more insights and other points of view. People all judge. It's human nature. It's how our brain processes things. (Yes, how our brain works is a wonder but I'm not going into that since it's not my field of study.) A lonely girl snailing down the streets. The use of lonely here is judging. It's as simple as using an adjective.
#throwback
I took a long 45minutes walk back to Point B from Point A. Normally, it takes less than 20minutes. I have no idea why but my mood was down to earth. As I walk, tears fell freely. I tried to cover, hoping that no one saw and no one judged. I fear of judgement and I used to fear it a lot more than now. Strangers won't bother knowing what's happening at the back of your mind. Others don't feel you until they ask you why.
I tend to always have the default tired-looking face. In the past when others asked why I look so sad, I shook my head in silence. They judged, in the general way, not in the negative way that we all use now when we say "STOP JUDGING". They think that I am perpetually sad. They feel that emo-ing is all I do. I just don't know if I should tell, and I don't know what I should say. You know, I type and write better than I speak. I dislike speaking because I'm afraid that I'm too fast to speak that I am not filtering what I say. I don't want to end up like an idiot - I don't wanna get judge. Now? I will happily tell people that it's my default face, I am neither sad nor tired. I am just me. Judge in whatever way that you want because that part of me doesn't matter anymore. So, I often used my default face to make people less judgy of me, since they already have a judgement. Instead of people asking why I'm sad or tired when I really are, less people bother now. "Nah, she just looks like that most of the time". Often, I get this when there's something really going on in me. Most probably my family and friends find it almost normal when I just sleep in car or don't talk at all. But at times, I'm just so down that I don't feel like talking.
I do procrastinate. But procrastinating and doing something else doesn't mean that I really am an ultimate procrastinator. I feel no sense of achievement at times when I do the things that I need to do. I need to find meaning and see the point in doing before I do. Hence, my activation energy for most things is really high. People see that I chill most of the time; they thought that I am too free. However at times, I'm close to just giving up. Giving up on everything that I am doing in school now. Sometimes, I do feel the need for counseling to get rid of this negative thought. But then again, what will it change? In the end, I am the one who will want the change. Nobody can help. I'm alone in my own war. 'Cos forcing doesn't really work on me.
At times I procrastinate to do the things that I enjoy, things that makes me happy. I often go about the approach of "先甜后苦". People say to do the things that makes one happy. As long as I feel happy (and often feel guilty after not doing any work), what really matters at the end of the day?
What's more important? Being happy, or feeling "accomplished"? Honestly speaking, I do not have an answer.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Naught.
Taking a break from the not-so-effective studying session. Wouldn't say that there's no progress but rather I was awake only at the later part so the first hour is actually naught lol.
Had been having thoughts about 21st celebration.. I don't know if I really want it. True that I want to celebrate with my friends but I don't know if I should actually do it. The process is seriously tiring and I'm getting lost whenever I thought I am there. Was looking through the hotels since sis has some company discount for it. Decided on the place and booked the hotel, but questions arise. How am I gonna cater the dinner? Is there enough space for everyone? Who will actually want to come?
It's a very tough decision choosing who to invite and who not to invite, especially in my case where friends are scattered all around.. It can be said that I'm only close to less than 10 people but the 10 people don't know each other lol. So, in a party, you always need to invite their "package". Okay, I know it's rather bad to say this but I have cliques in which there are some in the clique whom I'm not close to hence they are not my main point of consideration but according to social norms, there's a need to invite them as well. Some told me that I don't really have to care, just invite whoever you want, but, I can't bear to do that..
Initially I just wanted a simple staycation with close peeps and a simple celebration with my family and W but somehow it seems that due to the abovementioned, it won't work again. My friends are everywhere.. if you take it in another way.. I don't know who truly are close to me.. cos I find everyone very far, well maybe with some exceptions.
People used to say that the good thing about throwing parties is that you get lots of presents. However, it just seems like people are "forced" to buy since they are attending. I see it more like a chance for me to meet people that I always wanted to but don't have chance to or simply have no excuses to meet. Then again, if I needed any "excuses", am I treating them as strangers instead..? Sigh.
Sometimes I wonder if I don't have a party or didn't invite them, will they actually still do something for me like helping me celebrate separately? Well I probably only experienced it a few times.. mostly me being the one doing it instead..
Give without expecting any returns. Sometimes, it's just not as easy as it can be said. Deep down, even the most humble being, yearn to have some recognition in one way or another, isn't it? Getting out of track but typing down as I think. Lost in a world of my own. Ironically, when it was the world that I created.
Had been having thoughts about 21st celebration.. I don't know if I really want it. True that I want to celebrate with my friends but I don't know if I should actually do it. The process is seriously tiring and I'm getting lost whenever I thought I am there. Was looking through the hotels since sis has some company discount for it. Decided on the place and booked the hotel, but questions arise. How am I gonna cater the dinner? Is there enough space for everyone? Who will actually want to come?
It's a very tough decision choosing who to invite and who not to invite, especially in my case where friends are scattered all around.. It can be said that I'm only close to less than 10 people but the 10 people don't know each other lol. So, in a party, you always need to invite their "package". Okay, I know it's rather bad to say this but I have cliques in which there are some in the clique whom I'm not close to hence they are not my main point of consideration but according to social norms, there's a need to invite them as well. Some told me that I don't really have to care, just invite whoever you want, but, I can't bear to do that..
Initially I just wanted a simple staycation with close peeps and a simple celebration with my family and W but somehow it seems that due to the abovementioned, it won't work again. My friends are everywhere.. if you take it in another way.. I don't know who truly are close to me.. cos I find everyone very far, well maybe with some exceptions.
People used to say that the good thing about throwing parties is that you get lots of presents. However, it just seems like people are "forced" to buy since they are attending. I see it more like a chance for me to meet people that I always wanted to but don't have chance to or simply have no excuses to meet. Then again, if I needed any "excuses", am I treating them as strangers instead..? Sigh.
Sometimes I wonder if I don't have a party or didn't invite them, will they actually still do something for me like helping me celebrate separately? Well I probably only experienced it a few times.. mostly me being the one doing it instead..
Give without expecting any returns. Sometimes, it's just not as easy as it can be said. Deep down, even the most humble being, yearn to have some recognition in one way or another, isn't it? Getting out of track but typing down as I think. Lost in a world of my own. Ironically, when it was the world that I created.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Have been long..
Haven't been blogging for long since I've been diligently updating my day.re everyday. Wonder if people still frequent this blog, but I kindda hope that it's a 'no'. Still wondering if I should just change this blog to a private blog..hmm.
So, haven't been studying for the past few days and I'm so gonna force myself to do it tomorrow(which is today). Gonna chiong tutorial then watch webcast. Good thing is that there isn't any ES tomorrow so I'm only busy from 1-2pm yay. Time to get back to studying then starting dance at 6 again.
[Eat. Dance. Sleep. Replay.]
That's probably 80% of what I do now everyday, of course excluding lessons time. I feel like a robot. So much that I don't feel what I should feel (okay don't really know what I'm saying but that's that). And due to wrong use of muscle groups (I guess), conditioning during dance is totally bone-breaking and muscle-aching. My knee acted up cos I overstressed it. But I hope nothing's gonna be wrong with it. I hope it recovers :( It's a no go to get injured in any way now..shall see how. Besides, I find myself getting more and more emotional these days. And guess what? I nearly cried as I danced and noticed cheer during prac today. I don't know why though. They always said that the grass is greener on the other side. I don't deny it. Being a lousy contempt dancer and feeling that I could have done a better job in cheer just triggered the negativity and emotions. I teared. Never will I have the chance to get back and perform for cheer as of now.. I feel like I'm losing what was once I dearly hold on to. I had a choice, but I didn't choose cheer. I had so much good old memories in there despite all the falls that contributed to my knees acting up now but I still think of cheer everytime. It's something new that I started out with last year and it's just after a year that I'm out of it. I could have done more and learn more. But I sacrificed it for dance - something which I actually sux at but still trying to improve on.
In the past, I'll look at dance when I cheer and now it's the other way round. Except the fact that in the past, I didn't thought of "How I wish I was there with them.."
Time is an important factor especially in this busy semester. Knowing how to juggle among school work, CCAs and relationship is a must but I kindda sux at it. I feel that I'm dragging someone down too.. Time to be less selfish and follow more of my brain. If I were to 'die', I should 'die' alone. Still not used to affecting one's life.. thinking twice whenever I say something or do something, thinking of the consequences and all that. I do understand that in love, there's bound to have sacrifices..but I'm still not willing to let someone sacrifice in one way or another. You'll call me silly but that's kindda how my brain works for now. I'll probably need to overcome my own obstacles and principles first..
Girl, you need to cheer up and move on.
Easier said than done.
But I'll try.
But I'll try.
Wednesday, February 05, 2014
Reflect.
Haven't been posting anything on this page for quite a long time.. feeling kindda strange and unfamiliar with all these that I'm trying to get used to it again. This is a random reflection post so yeah..it's like a emo post so if you don't want to get affected or has no interest, you can close this window now.
Life has never been too kind lately. Sometimes I wonder if depression will be the end result. "The feeling of not wanting to do anything and that nobody can help you if you don't help yourself." - I often get that recently. Not that life's crisis has stroked, but just the lethargic feeling. Normally I would be typing how fun and meaningful CNY is but this year wasn't the same, and I wonder if it is just the start of more boring CNYs ahead in life. When everyone starts to have their own little family and that nobody is there to bother with you anymore, CNY just becomes as bland as the mere three words. Receiving red packets isn't the highlight anymore. If not for us to prove our point, I wouldn't even have opened all the red packets. Took less photos as compared to the previous years too; so little that you can count it with 2 hands. Everything has changed this new year, but I'm glad that I managed to spend time out with W. Caught a late night movie since we don't have to worry about transportation, but it became a burden when we wanted to go somewhere without a carpark. Sighhh #firstworldproblems
Period hasn't been kind to me too. I wonder when it did. Apart from it hindering my daily activities, now with dance, it made me feel soooo..indescribable.. Just inconvenience. And I thought that feeling emo from dance was already worse but cramps just made it worse. Made me wonder..what am I actually good at..? I've been searching for this answer for as long as I've lived but to no avail. What can I actually achieve in life.. I have no idea. Somehow the only thing that went on the right track now was having W with me. Nothing else. It felt kindda comforting enough though I still think of it everyday.
I'm getting so lost as to what to type. Lots of things running through my mind but couldn't be expressed in a suitable way. When typing couldn't express how I feel, I don't know how anymore.. *bottles up*
Hoping that this emotional roller coaster will come to a halt soon. Sux when I have to go through this every month due to hormonal changes. And so I wondered about W's question that day - is this what you really think or what your hormones think? :\
[edit]
To end of on a happier note, events are finally reaching one by oneee! ^^ It starts with this weekend! I love weekends yo! Heheh. Kicks off with tech training, SEP briefing, dinner with Jaelin, interview with SiuHon (ok not that looking forward to cos it's work!) and SP on sunday!! And lainey just ps me for sunday :'( sobss
Can't wait for next weekend toooo! Airshow with babe :D you can add on to your #firsttime list already hahaha!
[/edit]
Life has never been too kind lately. Sometimes I wonder if depression will be the end result. "The feeling of not wanting to do anything and that nobody can help you if you don't help yourself." - I often get that recently. Not that life's crisis has stroked, but just the lethargic feeling. Normally I would be typing how fun and meaningful CNY is but this year wasn't the same, and I wonder if it is just the start of more boring CNYs ahead in life. When everyone starts to have their own little family and that nobody is there to bother with you anymore, CNY just becomes as bland as the mere three words. Receiving red packets isn't the highlight anymore. If not for us to prove our point, I wouldn't even have opened all the red packets. Took less photos as compared to the previous years too; so little that you can count it with 2 hands. Everything has changed this new year, but I'm glad that I managed to spend time out with W. Caught a late night movie since we don't have to worry about transportation, but it became a burden when we wanted to go somewhere without a carpark. Sighhh #firstworldproblems
Period hasn't been kind to me too. I wonder when it did. Apart from it hindering my daily activities, now with dance, it made me feel soooo..indescribable.. Just inconvenience. And I thought that feeling emo from dance was already worse but cramps just made it worse. Made me wonder..what am I actually good at..? I've been searching for this answer for as long as I've lived but to no avail. What can I actually achieve in life.. I have no idea. Somehow the only thing that went on the right track now was having W with me. Nothing else. It felt kindda comforting enough though I still think of it everyday.
I'm getting so lost as to what to type. Lots of things running through my mind but couldn't be expressed in a suitable way. When typing couldn't express how I feel, I don't know how anymore.. *bottles up*
Hoping that this emotional roller coaster will come to a halt soon. Sux when I have to go through this every month due to hormonal changes. And so I wondered about W's question that day - is this what you really think or what your hormones think? :\
[edit]
To end of on a happier note, events are finally reaching one by oneee! ^^ It starts with this weekend! I love weekends yo! Heheh. Kicks off with tech training, SEP briefing, dinner with Jaelin, interview with SiuHon (ok not that looking forward to cos it's work!) and SP on sunday!! And lainey just ps me for sunday :'( sobss
Can't wait for next weekend toooo! Airshow with babe :D you can add on to your #firsttime list already hahaha!
[/edit]
Wednesday, January 01, 2014
New Year Resolutions [2014]
I've pretty much tried lots of stuffs through the past year, falling and standing again, alive and happy now haha. Sometimes I wonder how I survived all the shytz that happened but well, I learn something every time it happens and that's somehow what life is - learning every day. I don't know if I've been a better person in other people's point of view, but I'm certainly happy with all the changes, even to the slightest change. I've overcome part of my fear for socialising with strangers (ie freshies) and overcome my fear for trying. I got to know more friends and also lost some. Two happy things that happened in Year 2 Sem 1 of my University life is that I managed to dance again in front of people and I found my you :) Although everything comes with a price (ie results), I'm not regretting anything that I did, for all those have brought me much more satisfaction than having good results. Well, at least for now. All I need to do is to fight back again this coming semester, and this time I'm gonna try 200x harder to start studying hahah. "You just have to find the right group of people to study with..." NO MORE PONNING OF CLASSES!!
Living apart from sis actually made me more independent somehow, and also to be more concerned about home. Managed to actually express love more easily without feeling awkward although it still exists! I seriously still need some time to get accustomed and feel more comfortable doing that to my family for I have never really done it for the past 20 years of my life since birth lol. Can't wait for ahjie to come back (you need to stay for one more week seriously???? D: wts NUUU) even though I know there may be more chances for quarrels hahaha. Well, that's what siblings do isn't it lol.
And on to resolutions! Didn't do up for 2013 so I shall do for 2014. I'll always forget what I wanna do so yeapps, this is why I always type down here but, sometimes I'm just too lazy to refer to it hahah. Nevertheless, it'll still be here~
That's all! Short sweet and simple!! ^^
Living apart from sis actually made me more independent somehow, and also to be more concerned about home. Managed to actually express love more easily without feeling awkward although it still exists! I seriously still need some time to get accustomed and feel more comfortable doing that to my family for I have never really done it for the past 20 years of my life since birth lol. Can't wait for ahjie to come back (you need to stay for one more week seriously???? D: wts NUUU) even though I know there may be more chances for quarrels hahaha. Well, that's what siblings do isn't it lol.
And on to resolutions! Didn't do up for 2013 so I shall do for 2014. I'll always forget what I wanna do so yeapps, this is why I always type down here but, sometimes I'm just too lazy to refer to it hahah. Nevertheless, it'll still be here~
1. Be a better person - This resolution came up almost every year hahah. But well, I did become a better person in 2013, at least I tried! I opened up a little more, I try to grab every chance I have and I had fun :) but I seriously need to be a better neighbour, a better senior and a better friend lol. And a better person for you lol :P
2. Manage my time better - Seriously in need of this! Need to stop procrastinating and be a better student LOL. Better CAP please! All my friends are getting like above 4.. sobs.
3. Finish reading all my books - This has been on my list for like as long as I type already haha.
4. Print photos all at one go - Similar to 3 lolol. But I still need the time to sieve out the photos that I want :( And I need to print in batch of 33 to use the 18cents per photo voucher lol. Shall look for a lower price shop~~
5. Blog and take pictures and bake more often :P
That's all! Short sweet and simple!! ^^
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014 :)
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| Cr: Google |
It's here again, the beginning of a brand new year! :) First time squeezing through the massive crowd that a fight nearly broke up. Thank goodness the woman was rational enough (cos there were policemen around). But still, it was a new experience haha. I admit that I wanna scold and curse all the stupid and inconsiderate people who blocked the entire road but well, "be civilised" *says after Jolie* LOL.
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| Lime Kirin |
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| Timbre Chicken Wings |
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| Duck Pizza |
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| My only-nice photo for the day lolol |
Went to SWiTCH for dinner and then went to Marina Square. Seriously, all the security personnel aren't helpful enough to tell us we are walking towards a dead end =.= road blocks everywhere, creating massive jams. Organisation is just screwed up. Took the downtown line for the very first time and woah, we need to queue up for it hahaha. For a moment I find it quite stupid, but not until I encounter the massive jam at MBS shopping centre - that's epic. Would be nice if there was a queue then.
And yup, this was what happened in the mall. Huge jam in the shopping mall that you can't even see the ending. I guess everyone was so fascinated that they take photos from above and on the way up the escalator. Flashes everywhere making you feel like you are a Superstar (like real lol). But this wasn't the end of it. The one outside was more epic. So much that I couldn't even find a space to let me take my camera out of my bag *I'm not kidding* If all the squeezings managed to squeeze out my fats, I'll look anorexic already please hahahah.
And finallyyy, we are out of the crowd. The police tentage there is really useless. It just looks like they put it up to have a good view of the fireworks. A fight nearly broke up in the crowd but of course, if things really turn ugly, trust me, they can't do much due to the immovable crowd =.= One guy was cursing and swearing behind me throughout the whole way out. They should just thank us for making a path out man. Swear so much that I feel like just boxing him zzz
And sooo, the countdown began when it was 10secs away from midnight! Just love to be immersed in the joyous atmosphere^^ and boooooom! the first spark of fireworks appeared in the sky wheeee #unforgettablemoments
“人生就犹如烟花一般；不在乎长短，不管始与终，只需活得灿烂。不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。” Capture the moments in life. Live it.
By the way, some guy proposed at Marina Bay on New Year's day! :) #happymoment
Thanks for sending me home even when you are as tired ♥
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! ♥
Thursday, November 07, 2013
20 Lessons To Learn In Your 20s (And Remember Forever)
Another nice read (; | 20 Lessons To Learn In Your 20s (And Remember Forever)
http://thoughtcatalog.com/shivani-kothari/2013/11/20-lessons-to-learn-in-your-20s-and-remember-forever/
Well, I'm not going to touch on everything but the more significant ones in my opinion. It's late now D:
1. Inject yourself and everyone you meet with love.
"Love yourself and let your positive energy spread to those around you."
I think I did mention this before in my previous post hahah. Learn to love yourself first so that you can channel the energy into loving others. Everyone in the world needs love, every single soul. A lot of times, people just don't express their love well (Yes I am one of them). Start showing, and don't be afraid of it(; You don't know how you might just brighten up someone's day/entire life by it!
2. Step out of your box.
"Some of the greatest things that will ever happen to you will be because you had 10 seconds of liquid courage to step out of your comfort zone. ... You’re supposed to be bold."
Try something different. Try the things that you wouldn't even dare to try. Well I don't really know how to exactly tell you where to summon the courage but, if you want to achieve something, do TRY:) You never know how much satisfaction you can get out of it. Try to live alone; try out new and refreshing stuffs. 要做就趁年轻时尝试，不要到了人老珠黄才开始后悔为何当初没试过！
3. Take some time for yourself every once in a while.
"You don’t have to constantly be surrounded by your friends or family. Find that peace within yourself and cherish that time."
Sometimes in life you just need to slow down, take a rest, be alone. Make time for yourself. Nowadays, not many people are able to achieve it since they think that 24hours is not even enough for them. What are you rushing for? You need to take some time off to relax and chill. Just stoning will do too. It's not a waste of your time, you need rest. I wouldn't deny that blogging is also a chance to have personal time :)
5. STOP complaining.
"Complaining doesn’t get you anywhere except blowing up the problem in your head even more."
Often I find it hard to not complain. At least ranting takes some emotional burden away from me if I'm stressed or upset. However, there's a lot more other things worth doing to replace complaining! There's more good things that you can do. Complaining solves nothing, but it's some form of avoidance. #NOTA Instead of complaining, take actions to change. It will be more rewarding.
6. Appreciate your family.
"Family is everything. Your family is the only group of people that will love you unconditionally no matter what."
Cherish them while they are still around. You never know when they will be gone. It is the ugly truth that we must all admit - people grow old and will be gone someday. (Especially when you have such a big age gap with your parents.) I guess I need not say much since I've said a fair bit in the previous post about it lols. No matter what they do/did, they are the ones that see you through things and will always be closest to you. Appreciate them, be grateful, thank them #14.
7. Meet new people.
"Widen your perspective, see how others live their lives, and show them how you live yours. You never know when someone just happened to need a friend."
I enjoy meeting new people. No matter what kind of people they are, every new individual taught me different things. When you meet more people, you grow and become more adaptable to different styles of people. I've learnt how to cope with different people that I've met so far - to be cautious when needed, to be direct if preferred, to be open-minded to fit in, etc. Human beings are kind of the most amazing creatures on earth. They can be unpredictable and ever-changing. Every new encounter is a challenge all together. That's why I'm so into travelling/ enthusiastic about going abroad to study~~ #13. Don't be confined to just your own little space. Meet new people, meet the world.
11. Realize that not everyone will like you… and that’s okay.
"Just remember, don’t let other’s opinions threaten your behavior."
Live a life of your own. Don't be afraid of other people's judgement and start to live a life others expect you to have. You only live once, so don't live under others' shadows. Stand up for yourself and be confident of yourself. You don't need to get everyone's agreement to live your life in a certain matter. As long as you are happy and satisfied, stay that way. It may sound very idealistic since we are in a judgmental world and that what people think of us do matter. However, I'm not talking about living the extreme lives. Just, be yourself. And stay true to yourself. I've always been trying to live up to other's expectations and I realised that it's extremely not worth it.. you won't be truly happy, will you?
12. Don’t plan too far ahead.
"I’m not saying to live your life without a little structure, but what’s the rush? ... I don’t want you to feel like there’s no other way as your world comes crashing down around you."
People always say to live every day like your last. (If possible, I would like to say to live everyday like your first. However, that's not realistic.) Remember the times when we were young and we had no worries? That's the kind of feeling of enjoying life to the fullest. Take one step at a time. You can still plan ahead, but not too far ahead. If you really do want to plan far ahead, then don't give up when things don't go as planned. Well, things mostly don't go as plan. Here comes the thing that I always adhere to - the more you want something, the more you wouldn't get it; you'll only get it when you learn to let it go. Again, as it is said, it doesn't mean to completely not have any wants. That is where you plan - your wants. However, don't put too high hopes into achieving it for sure. Nothing is for sure; life isn't any problem sums that you can always get an answer to.
18. Find your niche.
"If you haven’t already, keep looking. If you have, still keep looking. Try new things."
This is something I haven't been able to achieve, but trying to. That is probably why I'm always on-the-go for new stuffs. It goes well with stepping out of your comfort zone. Find something that you can excel in, and that you are interested in. You need to keep trying out different things to be able to know what you are good at. Keep looking and never stop till you find one. Or rather, never stop. Life is short so what I want to say is to try almost everything if possible when you still can. (Okay, this is kind of derailing from the topic though.)
Life is short, live the fullest out of it. You actually learn something new each day. Keep in mind every lesson that you learn and you'll become a better person leading a better life(;
http://thoughtcatalog.com/shivani-kothari/2013/11/20-lessons-to-learn-in-your-20s-and-remember-forever/
Well, I'm not going to touch on everything but the more significant ones in my opinion. It's late now D:
1. Inject yourself and everyone you meet with love.
"Love yourself and let your positive energy spread to those around you."
I think I did mention this before in my previous post hahah. Learn to love yourself first so that you can channel the energy into loving others. Everyone in the world needs love, every single soul. A lot of times, people just don't express their love well (Yes I am one of them). Start showing, and don't be afraid of it(; You don't know how you might just brighten up someone's day/entire life by it!
2. Step out of your box.
"Some of the greatest things that will ever happen to you will be because you had 10 seconds of liquid courage to step out of your comfort zone. ... You’re supposed to be bold."
Try something different. Try the things that you wouldn't even dare to try. Well I don't really know how to exactly tell you where to summon the courage but, if you want to achieve something, do TRY:) You never know how much satisfaction you can get out of it. Try to live alone; try out new and refreshing stuffs. 要做就趁年轻时尝试，不要到了人老珠黄才开始后悔为何当初没试过！
3. Take some time for yourself every once in a while.
"You don’t have to constantly be surrounded by your friends or family. Find that peace within yourself and cherish that time."
Sometimes in life you just need to slow down, take a rest, be alone. Make time for yourself. Nowadays, not many people are able to achieve it since they think that 24hours is not even enough for them. What are you rushing for? You need to take some time off to relax and chill. Just stoning will do too. It's not a waste of your time, you need rest. I wouldn't deny that blogging is also a chance to have personal time :)
5. STOP complaining.
"Complaining doesn’t get you anywhere except blowing up the problem in your head even more."
Often I find it hard to not complain. At least ranting takes some emotional burden away from me if I'm stressed or upset. However, there's a lot more other things worth doing to replace complaining! There's more good things that you can do. Complaining solves nothing, but it's some form of avoidance. #NOTA Instead of complaining, take actions to change. It will be more rewarding.
6. Appreciate your family.
"Family is everything. Your family is the only group of people that will love you unconditionally no matter what."
Cherish them while they are still around. You never know when they will be gone. It is the ugly truth that we must all admit - people grow old and will be gone someday. (Especially when you have such a big age gap with your parents.) I guess I need not say much since I've said a fair bit in the previous post about it lols. No matter what they do/did, they are the ones that see you through things and will always be closest to you. Appreciate them, be grateful, thank them #14.
7. Meet new people.
"Widen your perspective, see how others live their lives, and show them how you live yours. You never know when someone just happened to need a friend."
I enjoy meeting new people. No matter what kind of people they are, every new individual taught me different things. When you meet more people, you grow and become more adaptable to different styles of people. I've learnt how to cope with different people that I've met so far - to be cautious when needed, to be direct if preferred, to be open-minded to fit in, etc. Human beings are kind of the most amazing creatures on earth. They can be unpredictable and ever-changing. Every new encounter is a challenge all together. That's why I'm so into travelling/ enthusiastic about going abroad to study~~ #13. Don't be confined to just your own little space. Meet new people, meet the world.
11. Realize that not everyone will like you… and that’s okay.
"Just remember, don’t let other’s opinions threaten your behavior."
Live a life of your own. Don't be afraid of other people's judgement and start to live a life others expect you to have. You only live once, so don't live under others' shadows. Stand up for yourself and be confident of yourself. You don't need to get everyone's agreement to live your life in a certain matter. As long as you are happy and satisfied, stay that way. It may sound very idealistic since we are in a judgmental world and that what people think of us do matter. However, I'm not talking about living the extreme lives. Just, be yourself. And stay true to yourself. I've always been trying to live up to other's expectations and I realised that it's extremely not worth it.. you won't be truly happy, will you?
12. Don’t plan too far ahead.
"I’m not saying to live your life without a little structure, but what’s the rush? ... I don’t want you to feel like there’s no other way as your world comes crashing down around you."
People always say to live every day like your last. (If possible, I would like to say to live everyday like your first. However, that's not realistic.) Remember the times when we were young and we had no worries? That's the kind of feeling of enjoying life to the fullest. Take one step at a time. You can still plan ahead, but not too far ahead. If you really do want to plan far ahead, then don't give up when things don't go as planned. Well, things mostly don't go as plan. Here comes the thing that I always adhere to - the more you want something, the more you wouldn't get it; you'll only get it when you learn to let it go. Again, as it is said, it doesn't mean to completely not have any wants. That is where you plan - your wants. However, don't put too high hopes into achieving it for sure. Nothing is for sure; life isn't any problem sums that you can always get an answer to.
18. Find your niche.
"If you haven’t already, keep looking. If you have, still keep looking. Try new things."
This is something I haven't been able to achieve, but trying to. That is probably why I'm always on-the-go for new stuffs. It goes well with stepping out of your comfort zone. Find something that you can excel in, and that you are interested in. You need to keep trying out different things to be able to know what you are good at. Keep looking and never stop till you find one. Or rather, never stop. Life is short so what I want to say is to try almost everything if possible when you still can. (Okay, this is kind of derailing from the topic though.)
Life is short, live the fullest out of it. You actually learn something new each day. Keep in mind every lesson that you learn and you'll become a better person leading a better life(;
Monday, November 04, 2013
Family ♥
[Blogging while listening to webcast since some parts can just be skipped. Yea, that's how boring the lecture is :\]
I think I seldom really blog about family eversince I started this blog 7 years ago..lols. Probably given the fact that family didn't play a big part in my daily life but I really treasure them more now. Staying away from home also caused it I guess. I quarrel less with them and thus there's much more "harmony" going on. Moreover, they do not know what I'm doing in hall though, so there's also not much for them to not like about what I do now..dislike the past.
Really missed my sis so I decided to text her again and ask her if she felt the same, lols. Childish it may seem, but luckily she didn't tease me at all. Jie, thanks for all the reassuring words and thanks for still replying me even though it's late over there :O I don't know if you'll see this but thanks for hearing me out. I know, you are more matured in your thoughts that's why you disagree with me..but if you think more about it, what I said is actually not exactly wrong..
In the end, the morale of the whole thing for me is, love your family more than your friends. Because they are the ones that were there for you for as long as you have lived and for more years to come. Some friends come and go but family stays. Don't regret when it's too late.
As random as it may be, I shall end off this post with this old song which I love recently :D
Enjoy!
I think I seldom really blog about family eversince I started this blog 7 years ago..lols. Probably given the fact that family didn't play a big part in my daily life but I really treasure them more now. Staying away from home also caused it I guess. I quarrel less with them and thus there's much more "harmony" going on. Moreover, they do not know what I'm doing in hall though, so there's also not much for them to not like about what I do now..dislike the past.
Really missed my sis so I decided to text her again and ask her if she felt the same, lols. Childish it may seem, but luckily she didn't tease me at all. Jie, thanks for all the reassuring words and thanks for still replying me even though it's late over there :O I don't know if you'll see this but thanks for hearing me out. I know, you are more matured in your thoughts that's why you disagree with me..but if you think more about it, what I said is actually not exactly wrong..
In the end, the morale of the whole thing for me is, love your family more than your friends. Because they are the ones that were there for you for as long as you have lived and for more years to come. Some friends come and go but family stays. Don't regret when it's too late.
As random as it may be, I shall end off this post with this old song which I love recently :D
Enjoy!
Friday, November 01, 2013
人生的价值，在于你如何看待你自己。
好怀念以前
不知不觉地，半年已经要过去了。每次回过头看时，我都不晓得自己到底做了什么、有何成就。这年，人都变了；我也不例外。每当想起过去一年，我都好怀念。怀念过去的美好，怀念过去的欢笑，也怀念过去曾经拥有的亲切感。那些都跑到哪里去了？我也想知道。人们都说“有失必有得”，但我的情况却另外：“有得必有失”。我早已被迷惑，不知自己到底失比得多还是得比失多，不知这算不算遭天谴。往往，我都没想到我也会被困在这漩涡里。
做人真有那么难吗？开心就应该笑，难过时就哭。这早已应该变成惯例了－但我却办不到。难过时不想麻烦别人，感觉会很扫兴，也会显得浪费了别人宝贵的时间。况且，别人会想听吗？有人曾经对我说过：“人们都喜欢和发出正能量的人来往，所以保持开朗的心情时，别人就会想跟你聊天说笑。” 我很努力地想要保持这股正能量，所以现在就算伤心时，我也总会笑脸迎面、强颜欢笑。不认识我的人都会以为我疯了，或者以为我变了；但，其实不然。我只想抛开烦恼，对自己说“我没事”。
最近，常常会听到“讽刺”或“嘲笑”，甚至有时有冷言冷语。这些我都应司空见惯，但我还是不喜欢。难道我就应该经历这些吗？虽然这些人都应该没有恶意，但时间一旦久了，我还是会慢慢的感到失落。我常常想着：为何他们都觉得我会为了一个人而抛下整片天空呢？大家都是朋友，难不成他们都觉得我真的会变得“忘友”？
我很想要有一个知己，一个能互相倾诉一切的好姐妹。但，已经太迟了。总觉得别人都有，为何我总是留不住一个呢？“宁有十个亲近知心好友，莫有一百个朋友”。我只想要找到一个，难道真有这么难吗？难道是我要求太多或太高了？
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
The Blurred Vision
Often, you can't see the road ahead. Street lights are bright but yet your vision is blurred. Street lights are already installed as a guide, so forcefully that it only allows you to look at one direction. Only one path is shone, while the alternate routes are dark. The end is something that you can't fathom. You don't exactly know if the end of the road has what you hope or want. You continue walking till a point where you get tired and see no meaning in continuing.. If you are lucky enough, a car will pass by and pick you up; if you are lucky enough, there will be pleasing street decorations to brighten up your journey. Whether you like it or not, you just have to continue walking and hoping for the best for what lies ahead of you. At times you may find road blocks/ big rocks in your way, you just have to find some way to move it away with the strength that you have or squeeze your way through. The more you do it, the stronger you get.
That's life.
Finally settled on my SEP application, finding it such a chore to try to map modules. But lucky for me, ME department has a list of modules that were mapped before and a list of contacts of seniors who have went SEP. I don't know if I still have the same enthusiasm for SEP but one thing I know is that, I'm just opening myself up to an option in case I want it. I don't wanna just let it go. Probably this is the period where I just feel so restless and helpless that I don't feel like doing anything and that everything I do is meaningless. I hope I could just get over with this emotional roller coaster soon.
GLC is finally tomorrow (or today if you would say so) but rehearsal for DanSHers today wasn't our best run. I was totally in no mood for dance and I couldn't bring myself to perform my best today. It was just too off. My mood just parachute down with my knees acting up, again.How I wish I could seek comfort in your arms then.
More and more things are piling up slowly..probably what I want now is to just get it over and done with, and after tomorrow, it's time to mug. #sayserious By hook or by crook I'm just gonna force myself to study. I'm starting to like part 2 of Fluid Mech, and I'm still interested in 2151. The rest..I just can't seem to show any interest in them. I always thought that I will be more interested in studying when things get more specific to mech engin but apparently I was wrong. I just like it when it comes to stuffs related to planes. Refrigerators? Automobile engines? #zerointerest
Shall sleep soon and hope for the best for tomorrow and the days ahead till sem ends after finals. I miss waking up and eating breakfast D: #itstimetochange
That's life.
Finally settled on my SEP application, finding it such a chore to try to map modules. But lucky for me, ME department has a list of modules that were mapped before and a list of contacts of seniors who have went SEP. I don't know if I still have the same enthusiasm for SEP but one thing I know is that, I'm just opening myself up to an option in case I want it. I don't wanna just let it go. Probably this is the period where I just feel so restless and helpless that I don't feel like doing anything and that everything I do is meaningless. I hope I could just get over with this emotional roller coaster soon.
GLC is finally tomorrow (or today if you would say so) but rehearsal for DanSHers today wasn't our best run. I was totally in no mood for dance and I couldn't bring myself to perform my best today. It was just too off. My mood just parachute down with my knees acting up, again.
More and more things are piling up slowly..probably what I want now is to just get it over and done with, and after tomorrow, it's time to mug. #sayserious By hook or by crook I'm just gonna force myself to study. I'm starting to like part 2 of Fluid Mech, and I'm still interested in 2151. The rest..I just can't seem to show any interest in them. I always thought that I will be more interested in studying when things get more specific to mech engin but apparently I was wrong. I just like it when it comes to stuffs related to planes. Refrigerators? Automobile engines? #zerointerest
Shall sleep soon and hope for the best for tomorrow and the days ahead till sem ends after finals. I miss waking up and eating breakfast D: #itstimetochange
Saturday, October 27, 2012
SHVC - Get High On Science with kids:)
Short post before I say goodnight (though I know it's weird to post at such an unearthly hour)
Her name is Idelle, a cute little girl :)
And these were my little cute yet naughty kids! - Shirlyn, 7 & Xinwen, 6
Off we go to science centre!!
P.S. It's not easy to take care of two, after they show you their true colours LOL.
Took care of them together with wanling
Chloe soon came to the rescue and we took care of these two cute devils together.
It was tough handling them especially when both of them wanted to play the same thing.
Nevertheless, they taught me lots, and I was kindda entertained by them too haha.
How great if I could rewind time to go back to their age, where nothing matters and nothing worries.
It sucks to grow up but it is contradicting how we used to want to grow up in the past. And the conclusion is, we are never satisfied with our current status, at least for me.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I need to end it here;
Let me do a bit of digression first *v*
Isn't this lovely? heees.Shall not change it till i really find another super nice wallpaper. Sorry for being slow, I seriously don't know that the background could be changed till I saw Josh's laptop and I went woahhhh :O
I am supposed to be completing my tutorials and sleep but I really could not bear not blogging.. Life has been tough, the road has not been straight at all, all rocky. I need a place to pen down my thoughts oh blog.
Okay, so, like any usual life, mine has been going up and down like a roller coaster. Midterms result hit in like a tsunami (say serious) and I'm all at a loss now. I seriously have no idea on where I should start with :( Everyone is mugging like crazy in hall and in school but I'm maintaining status quo. "Oh well, things would turn out fine eventually like in the past." Yes, this is the exact phrase that I have to throw away from my mind.
CCA trainings start to kick in, and that is another thing that I am at a loss, cause all my sports are clashing with one another. And what is worse? Touchrug and basketball clashes NICELY together, gosh. at least nothing clashes with netball on wednesday.. having a hard time deciding between touchrug and basketball training, oh man. Someone, tell me what to do please? D: touchrug or basketball? I already have an answer in mind, but I think it does no justice to yeeshuan and I don't want to be a badass, sigh. I cannot deny that I do like touchrug trainings more, but since I have signed up for basketball, it is only right that I go for the training too yeah? Confused mind :\ What's more is that I showed interest for cheerleading and yes, I do feel like joining after it's been approved!:( Trying hard to diet and exercise to slim down, lols. Though at the very start, I showed interest in it 'cause of you, but now I am really looking forward to being part of it, more of just wanting to join the same cca as you.. 'cause I have given up on you, the very moment that you indicate that you have feelings for someone else, ohwell :)
School life, hall life, study life, love life, work life. Tell me why, why I have not been able to excel or achieve anything out of everything? Teach me.
Isn't this lovely? heees.
 |
| I'm sorry to dream of the things that will never come true; |
 |
| Just as I regret now, not taking the first step. |
I am supposed to be completing my tutorials and sleep but I really could not bear not blogging.. Life has been tough, the road has not been straight at all, all rocky. I need a place to pen down my thoughts oh blog.
Okay, so, like any usual life, mine has been going up and down like a roller coaster. Midterms result hit in like a tsunami (say serious) and I'm all at a loss now. I seriously have no idea on where I should start with :( Everyone is mugging like crazy in hall and in school but I'm maintaining status quo. "Oh well, things would turn out fine eventually like in the past." Yes, this is the exact phrase that I have to throw away from my mind.
School life, hall life, study life, love life, work life. Tell me why, why I have not been able to excel or achieve anything out of everything? Teach me.
 |
| Perhaps, I need a little getaway. |
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
You are all that I want
My vision was blurred, blurred by love;
Things have been quite crappy this few days.
The sail ahead seems choppy and everything just seems so bleak.
Life hasn't turned for the better, probably it's going down now.
However, I was hoping that it is a temporary thing.
It's totally your choice to be happy or sad.
I was amazed by how fast I got over your cold shoulders and moved on.
I don't mind continue loving you even if it's a crime.
But, would you even notice?
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Food for thought
Was looking through irina's blog and catching up with those post that i've missed out, during the days which she changed her blog url, and i found this article that she posted up.
Isn't the 'soul' just ourselves?
Another story..
We, or maybe just me. I often hear stories about grown-ups and now, it's a story of a child.
No matter what, it's always our health that comes first. No health, no talk.
Once upon a time. There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives.Then, i wondered.
He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.
He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends.
He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife.
Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.
One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"
Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.
The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart.
The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.
Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition.
Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"
Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives.
The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.
The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure.
Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament.
Isn't the 'soul' just ourselves?
Another story..
We, or maybe just me. I often hear stories about grown-ups and now, it's a story of a child.
No matter what, it's always our health that comes first. No health, no talk.
Random.
I've never tasted what love is like.
I've never been in a (real) relationship before.
I've never confessed my feelings to anyone before i get over with it. But, maybe, you are an exception.
I've never been in a (real) relationship before.
I've never confessed my feelings to anyone before i get over with it. But, maybe, you are an exception.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Barae - I hope.
It's been such a longggg period of time since i last posted. It went from abt 20posts per month till 4posts per month till now, maybe 1-2 posts each month. Lols. Kindda pathetic.. I can't even recall about what i did for the past few days.. :( it's like one day has became one week. So many things have happened. But one day has passed like maybe only one hour. There are new happenings every day thati couldn't remember well.. And furthermore not posting it to my blog..has made me forgot about almost everything.
From posting everday trival stuffs to posting big events and then to posting thoughts. My blog has gone quite useless and dead, but seems to have more 'content'. With twitter and facebook ready and on th go, i find blogging now quite tedious.. Despite it, i think i will still continue with blogging. Privating the blog is nice yet a hassle. Thus i shall not do it..
5months have passed by like that. Yupp. Literally 'like that'. I come to wonder..what have i been doing for these past months? Playing? Shopping? Drama-ing? Well..basically all of the above, but never studying. I don't know what i would become of before As. If i continue on like this, i'm bound to struggle..and that's the fact. My results won't get me anywhere..i mau just fail. But i'm kindda motivated by 49days. It's a nice show. It taught me things..
This time round, i will change.
Let's see if i could last.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Another meaningless week passed by.
A week has gone ever since i last posted. I've been wondering what i've achieved for this past week. Haven't been blogging or drama-ing lately, but this doesn't mean that i've been consistently studying.. :\ Block test 1 is just 2 weeks from now.. some people might have started revision long ago but definitely not me. Most people are going for tuition, but definitely not me(currently). I'm thinking if i need any.. but most probably i'll do without any, for one simple reason.
There's a physics test going on tomorrow.. and i realised that i couldn't do most of the questions in the current electricity worksheet :( i don't think i'll score for the econs graded assignment too. Organic chem concepts are all jumbled up and i couldn't remember anything from hydroxy compounds onwards. I need time to settle down and get them clear but i just couldn't get into the serious mood. Teach me? Haha. I really needed somewhere to vent that's why i'm here. You might think i'm wasting my time, but it's a time for me to let it out. However, there's still limitations..
I'm seriously wasting resources, wasting electricity, wasting money, wasting time etcetc. Whatever..
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