Have been long..

Haven't been blogging for long since I've been diligently updating my day.re everyday. Wonder if people still frequent this blog, but I kindda hope that it's a 'no'. Still wondering if I should just change this blog to a private blog..hmm.

I'm supposed to finish up my tutorial but heck, feeling so lethargic after 6 hours of dance and 1 hour settling SEP stuffs which are due tomorrow. Ms Davina really takes her time and she sounds as blur as us. What to do? Just print out everything and let her choose tomorrow. That I believe, is the safest way.

So, haven't been studying for the past few days and I'm so gonna force myself to do it tomorrow(which is today). Gonna chiong tutorial then watch webcast. Good thing is that there isn't any ES tomorrow so I'm only busy from 1-2pm yay. Time to get back to studying then starting dance at 6 again. 

[Eat. Dance. Sleep. Replay.]

That's probably 80% of what I do now everyday, of course excluding lessons time. I feel like a robot. So much that I don't feel what I should feel (okay don't really know what I'm saying but that's that). And due to wrong use of muscle groups (I guess), conditioning during dance is totally bone-breaking and muscle-aching. My knee acted up cos I overstressed it. But I hope nothing's gonna be wrong with it. I hope it recovers :( It's a no go to get injured in any way now..shall see how. Besides, I find myself getting more and more emotional these days. And guess what? I nearly cried as I danced and noticed cheer during prac today. I don't know why though. They always said that the grass is greener on the other side. I don't deny it. Being a lousy contempt dancer and feeling that I could have done a better job in cheer just triggered the negativity and emotions. I teared. Never will I have the chance to get back and perform for cheer as of now.. I feel like I'm losing what was once I dearly hold on to. I had a choice, but I didn't choose cheer. I had so much good old memories in there despite all the falls that contributed to my knees acting up now but I still think of cheer everytime. It's something new that I started out with last year and it's just after a year that I'm out of it. I could have done more and learn more. But I sacrificed it for dance - something which I actually sux at but still trying to improve on.

In the past, I'll look at dance when I cheer and now it's the other way round. Except the fact that in the past, I didn't thought of "How I wish I was there with them.."

Time is an important factor especially in this busy semester. Knowing how to juggle among school work, CCAs and relationship is a must but I kindda sux at it. I feel that I'm dragging someone down too.. Time to be less selfish and follow more of my brain. If I were to 'die', I should 'die' alone. Still not used to affecting one's life.. thinking twice whenever I say something or do something, thinking of the consequences and all that. I do understand that in love, there's bound to have sacrifices..but I'm still not willing to let someone sacrifice in one way or another. You'll call me silly but that's kindda how my brain works for now. I'll probably need to overcome my own obstacles and principles first..

Girl, you need to cheer up and move on.

Easier said than done.
But I'll try.