Naught.

Taking a break from the not-so-effective studying session. Wouldn't say that there's no progress but rather I was awake only at the later part so the first hour is actually naught lol.

Had been having thoughts about 21st celebration.. I don't know if I really want it. True that I want to celebrate with my friends but I don't know if I should actually do it. The process is seriously tiring and I'm getting lost whenever I thought I am there. Was looking through the hotels since sis has some company discount for it. Decided on the place and booked the hotel, but questions arise. How am I gonna cater the dinner? Is there enough space for everyone? Who will actually want to come?

It's a very tough decision choosing who to invite and who not to invite, especially in my case where friends are scattered all around.. It can be said that I'm only close to less than 10 people but the 10 people don't know each other lol. So, in a party, you always need to invite their "package". Okay, I know it's rather bad to say this but I have cliques in which there are some in the clique whom I'm not close to hence they are not my main point of consideration but according to social norms, there's a need to invite them as well. Some told me that I don't really have to care, just invite whoever you want, but, I can't bear to do that..

Initially I just wanted a simple staycation with close peeps and a simple celebration with my family and W but somehow it seems that due to the abovementioned, it won't work again. My friends are everywhere.. if you take it in another way.. I don't know who truly are close to me.. cos I find everyone very far, well maybe with some exceptions.

People used to say that the good thing about throwing parties is that you get lots of presents. However, it just seems like people are "forced" to buy since they are attending. I see it more like a chance for me to meet people that I always wanted to but don't have chance to or simply have no excuses to meet. Then again, if I needed any "excuses", am I treating them as strangers instead..? Sigh.

Sometimes I wonder if I don't have a party or didn't invite them, will they actually still do something for me like helping me celebrate separately? Well I probably only experienced it a few times.. mostly me being the one doing it instead..

Give without expecting any returns. Sometimes, it's just not as easy as it can be said. Deep down, even the most humble being, yearn to have some recognition in one way or another, isn't it? Getting out of track but typing down as I think. Lost in a world of my own. Ironically, when it was the world that I created.